I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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