Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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