I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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