i already hear my dad disowning me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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