careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
