someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
