i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
