so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
