Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
