she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
