you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
