no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
