I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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