You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
