Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
