what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
