and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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