I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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