i was born a porn star she said
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
