hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
