Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
