I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
