Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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