before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everything about him screamed your future.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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