You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
