What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
