apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she smelled like a LAN party
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
