i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
