What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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