Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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