Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
