Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
