you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
