3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
