I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
