So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
