That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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