you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
