My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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