How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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