love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
