Im at strip club and am horny
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
