how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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