we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
