he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
