did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
