Don't you send me to vm
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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