Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
