They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
