I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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