I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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