I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
